Thursday, June 3, 2010

Does Love Last?

I got married young (21) and I've been married for six years now. That's not long compared to some, but it's long enough to have learned a thing or two about long-term relationships. I've noticed that among single young adult women who want to get married, there are some unfounded fears and dangerous mindsets that I hope my experience has earned me the right to comment on.

First, with God's help and commitment on the part of the couple, love does not have to fade over time. You do not have to let your relationship erode into nothing more than friendship or, worse, roommateship. My husband and I fight, disagree, and hurt each other. And if those things are left unresolved, they can start to interfere with our relationship. I imagine, if left unresolved for years, the rift that would grow between us would be the demise of our relationship. That's why we fight and talk. We work out our issues as best we can and, after six years, find that we are still affectionate, still like to spend time together, still like to impress each other, still like to share our lives. In fact, after six years, I think he's gotten better at balancing me, supporting me, loving me, and understanding me. And I like to think that I'm better at all of those things for him. So we are still very much in love.

Now, if I know you, that paragraph probably has you wishing you had someone, too, which brings me to my second point: Do not be hasty. If there isn't a good basis of a relationship before you get married, if you're not drawn to a guy for the right reasons, you're going to enter your marriage with a rift already in place. I can only imagine how hard adjusting to marriage would be if you had to do it for someone you didn't really love for who they are or who didn't really love you for you.

Here's a bit of a test for you: If you're considering getting engaged or marry, also consider what external things you expect out of the relationship. Do you expect to be able to stay at home? Do you expect to have children? Do you expect to be rich? Would you still be considering this guy if he couldn't provide those external things for you?

The reason I ask is that things don't always turn out the way we planned. You can appreciate the external things, but if you can't confidently say you can happily commit to a guy knowing that sometimes, those things just don't fall into place, you need to reconsider. Find someone you can work through the tough things with, because tough things will come, and if you're not willing to work through them together, then I suspect your love won't last. At the very least, it will be a strained relationship.

So take the time to find the right guy. And if you've got him, rest assured, love can be cultivated for a lifetime.

2 comments:

  1. What if he's rich and old and can die, leaving you all his money to live off of while you find the right guy?
    Haha just kidding! You know what you're talking about. ;) Also really glad you two are still so happy after all these years. :)

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